there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
