I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
