I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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