There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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