i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
