I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
