You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
