Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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