I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
