i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize