he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
