HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
