So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
