just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize