Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
