Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
