I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can Purell be used as lube?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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