yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
