I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
