he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
