It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
