Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
