Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
