May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize