weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
