When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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