we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found the puke drawer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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