yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
