I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
