Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
as a side note pls kill me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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