Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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