do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize