I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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