is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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