uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
