I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
