Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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