im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
