I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's official drugs can't kill me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
