this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
