I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
