I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
