I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
