she woke up with a sticky ear
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
