New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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