Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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