Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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