I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
