I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
