We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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