When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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