Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize