loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
