I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
