I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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