He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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