apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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