Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
