I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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