last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
