our cab driver is having phone sex.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
