the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
